Year of the Spark: March 29
by Sparky Army
Summary: Elizabeth and Vala discuss...the year of Sparky stories continues!


We, the Sparky Army, decree 2008 to be the Year of the Spark. We pledge to post a new sparky story or chapter of a sparky story every day from January 1, 2008 to December 31, 2008. Though the Powers that Be have removed Elizabeth Weir from the regular cast of Stargate Atlantis, we feel that she remains an integral part of the show, and that the relationship between her and John Sheppard is too obvious to be ignored. We hope that you, and anyone who might happen to read these works, agree.

And if that isn't official enough for you, we don't know what is. Seriously, guys, we're just trying to have some fun--and show TPTB that Sparky is the way to go. So sit back and enjoy the 366 stories coming your way!

_Note from the Author: Set during the SG-1 episode "The Pegasus Project." This is both extremely insane and extremely out of character, for which I apologize, but I needed a bit of silliness. It's also a prequel to the next story I will be posting, which has been floating around in my head for the last year or so, and is just as insane._

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**The Absurdity!**

_By Myriad (Myriadragon)_

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As was common in the afternoons, Elizabeth had retreated to her office to deal with reports and perhaps indulge in a game of solitaire. She had just opened Ronons's mission report from the team's visit to MJ9-774 and begun to correct the spelling when she heard a knocking sound. Elizabeth looked up to see Vala Maldoran standing in her doorway.

"Vala," she said with some surprise. "What can I do for you?"

"Oh, well, you know all that talking-to-holograms-of-dead-Ancients-in-hopes-of-finding-the-key-to-defeating-the-Orii isn't really my thing," Vala said, waving her hands as she sat on Elizabeth's desk.

Elizabeth suppressed a smile. "Doctor Jackson kicked you out."

"Well, that's a bit strong. He merely suggested that I might be more use somewhere else."

"Ah," Elizabeth said, eyes twinkling with suppressed mirth. "Well, there's not too much you can do to help here. Most of these reports are classified. But you could go down to the gym and spar?"

"Actually, I was thinking I could stay here and entertain you," Vala said.

"Entertain me."

"I've had a very interesting life. There are lots of stories I could tell you. And I've been told I'm excellent conversation."

"Really."

"Well, no, not really, but come on, Elizabeth, help me out here. When was the last time you just sat and talked with another woman, anyway? It would be good for you!"

Elizabeth smiled, tempted despite herself. "Vala, I have work to do. I have responsibilities."

"Yes, you do. For instance, you have a responsibility to take a break from all this work and spend time gossiping with me. You need to preserve your mental health," Vala said solemnly.

"And gossiping with you is going to help me do that?" Elizabeth said dubiously.

"Generations of women across the galaxy have used gossip and female conversation as an affordable alternative to therapy," Vala said knowingly.

Elizabeth laughed and closed her laptop. "Well, all right, but I'm afraid you'll have to do most of the talking. The leader of Atlantis isn't really supposed to be spreading rumors."

"But that means you know something good. Come on, tell me. My lips are glued." Vala swiveled on Elizabeth's desk, bringing her legs up to sit tailor's style facing Elizabeth.

"You don't even know the people involved. Tell me something about the SGC," Elizabeth countered. "Does Walter still have a crush on Doctor Lam?"

"You won't be able to distract me that easily. This must be something good. Is it about Colonel Sheppard? Or the other one, the cute one who looks like Colonel Mitchell and Daniel. Major Lorne? Is he single? Not that that really matters. Unless you're sleeping with him. I wouldn't want to poach. Are you sleeping with him? Does he look good naked?"

Elizabeth spluttered, flushing. "I don't—Vala!" She took a deep breath and proceeded, "I don't date anyone under my command. It would be irresponsible."

"Well, we can't have _that_. Do you honestly mean to say you haven't—you know—with anyone since you got to Atlantis?"

"Well…"

"Good heavens, Lizzie, what's wrong with you?!"

"It would be irresponsible," Elizabeth insisted. "Besides, I don't have the time for a relationship."

"Irresponsible! Irresponsible is you neglecting your physical and mental well-being. You're putting Atlantis in danger," Vala said knowingly.

"By not having sex?" Elizabeth said disbelievingly.

"Oh, come on, Lizzie, they've done all kinds of studies on it back on Earth. You can't honestly expect me to believe that you haven't read any of them."

"Well, yes, I have heard that. But—Look, Vala, I'm an old-fashioned sort of woman. I don't do casual sex. And like I said before, I don't have the time for a real relationship."

"So make time. Seriously, Lizzie, you need to get yourself a guy. But go offworld to do it, because the only man on this floating excuse for a city that's worth a woman like you is Major Sheppard, and—oh," Vala stopped, seeing something flicker over Elizabeth's face. "You_ like_ him."

"What?" Elizabeth said, too quickly. "No, no. Of course not."

"You're blushing, and you're stammering. You have the hots for your sexy Lieutenant Colonel," Vala insisted.

"No, I don't. John—Colonel Sheppard is a colleague, and a friend. I respect him, and of course I care about him—I care about all the members of my team. But he's a friend. A _platonic_ friend. Like a distant cousin, maybe."

"Lots of people marry their distant cousins," Vala said. "Not that it matters, because Johnykins isn't your cousin."

"I—_Johnykins_?"

"Johnykins," Vala cheerfully confirmed. "He isn't married, is he? Not that it really matters, but I suppose that kind of thing would be important to you."

"He's divorced," Elizabeth said warily, "but that doesn't matter because I do _not_ 'like' him and I'm certainly not going to pursue anything in that direction. He's my second in command, I can't—"

"And just what do you think General O'Neill and Colonel Carter were doing for all those years on SG-1?" Vala insisted. "Come on, Lizzie, the SGC is full of illicit relationships. I would think Atlantis would be even worse, since you're so cut off from the people who actually care about all those pointless rules and regulations."

"Plenty of people…_indulge_, so to speak, but they aren't in my position. It doesn't matter if one of Doctor Beckett's nurses is seeing Doctor Zelenka—they'll never find themselves in a conflict of interest, and neither of them are high enough in the chain of command for anyone to care." Elizabeth sighed. "Neither John nor I can afford to have a relationship with anyone on Atlantis. We can't have our decision-making abilities compromised by an affair."

"Hn," Vala snorted. "When you both go insane from lack of sex, don't come complaining to me."

"Vala!"

The two women turned to see Colonels Sheppard and Mitchell in the doorway.

"Jackson wants you back with him at the Ancient console," Mitchell said, jerking his head.

"Well, if _Daniel_ wants me," Vala said cheerfully. She gave John a long look before climbing off Elizabeth's desk. "You think about what I said, Lizzie."

"What was that about?" John asked as Mitchell led Vala off.

"Oh, you know, just one of her absurd ideas," Elizabeth said as off-handedly as she could manage.

"Oh yeah? What about?" John asked, resting a hip on her desk.

"It's really not important," Elizabeth said quickly. "I've got a lot of work to do, John."

"Yeah, sure," he said, standing again. "I'll let you get back to that." He left her office, wondering just what Vala had said to have Doctor Elizabeth Weir acting like a nervous schoolgirl.


End file.
